A lady walked into the room to show hubby her new dress, She was a rather large lady - around forty two in the chest. The dress was cut really low - showed off her feminine shape, Her husband's eyes almost popped - all he could do was gape! "Where did you get that dress,

FUNNY QUOTES BY EDDIE IZZARD "I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup." "I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less." "Excuse me, do you have a pencil?" "Never put a sock in a toaster." &

Did you hear about the skeleton who walked into a cafe? He ordered a cup of coffee and a mop.

A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? B: It's a girl. She's my daughter. A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father. B: I'm not. I'm her mother.

We can get laid anytime we want We never have to buy our own drinks at the bar We piss sitting down so its easier to pass out on the toilet when you're drunk We get out of speeding tickets by crying We get out of speeding tickets by showing a little cleavage or leg We can sleep our way to th

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description. After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how

 IDIOTS & RETAILING I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she would not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it

☻God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers. ☻For the hand that rocks the

You are my friend, my love, my forever Valentine

One day there were four nuns in line for confessional. The first nun said, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned." He asked how. She said "I saw a man's private part." He told her to wash her eyes with holy water. The second nun comes in and says, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."