true dirty sex stories

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A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there." A little con

About You Your touch is with me always, It’s burnt into my skin, As soft and warm as sun rays When a summer day sets in. Your soft voice never silent, It’s forever in my ears, Serenading every moment And calming all my fears. Your arms always enfold me, The strength of angels wings,

Ur only mine wen i dream.wen i wake i wanna scream.ur not mine im all alone.i can only text u on my fone.do dreams lie or r dey true-i hope so cos babes i want u! If dreams werent dreams & dreams came true i woodnt b here id b wiv u.Distance is

Sue and Jane are shopping together at the supermarket. When they get to the vegetables, Sue hefts a good sized potato in each hand and says, "You know, Jane, these remind me of John's balls." Jane, impressed says, "Hmm, that big, huh?" "No", Sue answers. "That dirty."

Here are a few jokes and funny stories about women car drivers.   A traffic policeman stops a woman and asks to see her driving licence. 'Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses when driving.' 'Well,' replies the woman, 'I have contacts.' 'Lady, I don't care who y

Married life is full of excitement and frustration: * In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. * In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. * In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. It is true that love is blind but marriage is de

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. LOS ANGELES TIMES, December 9: A man walked into a branch of the Antelope Valley Bank and handed a teller a note demanding money. The man had one hand in

We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. Top personnel executives of 100 major American corporation

i wish i was ur blanket,i wish i was ur bed, i wish i was ur pillow underneath ur head,i wanna b around u,i wanna hold u tight, & b the lucky person who kisses u goodnite 8 letters, 3 words, 1 meaning... i love you Uve won m

A stranger you were once. Then, with a gentle look you took my hand. As our lives engaged, you lit my life and I held both your hands. Now that decades have passed, ours souls have indeed become one. How fortunate we are that we have found the love so true that everyone dreams about. - L

Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.'   If we're in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn't mean we're not watching it.   Don't tell anyone we can't afford a new car. Tell them we don't want one. &nbs

Favorite Love Quotes #1     Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.     Franklin P. Jones Favorite Love Quotes #2     At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.     Plato Favorite Love Quote

If I get scared,wld u hold me tight?If I make a mistake,wld u make it rite?If I build a fire,wld u watch over e flame?If I say i miss u,wld u feel e same? My eyes R hurting coz I can't C U, My arms R empty coz I can't hold U, M

Favorite Romantic Quotes #1     Real love stories never have endings.     Richard Bach Favorite Romantic Quotes #2     Two souls and one thought, two hearts and one pulse.     Halen Favorite Romantic Quotes #3    

☻Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends. ☻To

MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX -------------------- 01. Nothing improves with age. 02. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it. 03. There is no remedy for sex but more sex. 04. Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got. 05. No sex with anyone

Rule #1 My daughter’s name is Stephanie. Her name is not "Mama", "Houchie", "Babe", "Yo Bitch", or any other name currently in the vocabulary of your age group identifying young women. With her permission, you may call her by h

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!). Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. Marriage is an institution in which a man lose

Motionless If time could stand still, I’d freeze it here, So you’d always hold me, close and near. In your arms, where I’m meant to be, Filled with the perfect love you’ve given me. A bond so strong, a hold so tight, To know you’re the one. my ‘Mr. Right’. A blessing sent from up above,

A teenager comes home from school and asks her mother "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their dicks?" "Yes, dear" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. "But then