- Old Yeller
- "You spineless, good-for-nothing, drag-ass, no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable?!"
- Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell
- Advantages: Pays attention to you
- Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans
- The Bosser
- "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look."
- Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-It-All, Ball and Chain, Yes Mom
- Advantages: Often right
- Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?
- Wild Woman Out of Control
- "I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S'fun."
- Also known as: Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Goodtime Charleena, Passed Out
- Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
- Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs
- Huffy
- "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at."
- Also known as: No Fun, Humorless Prig, Cold Fish, Chilly Proposition, Iceberg, Snarly
- Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you
- Disadvantages: You will have no friends
- Woman From Mars
- "I believe this interpretative dance will explain how I feel about our relationship."
- Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic
- Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
- Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud
- Ms. Dreamgirl
- "I am utterly content with my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now."
- Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous
- Advantages: Funny, intelligent, uninhibited
- Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you
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Why parents should always check their children's
homework before they hand it in:
See the picture attached. :-))
A first grade girl handed in the drawing, enclosed
here, for a homework assignment.
After it was graded and the child brought it home,
she returned to school the next day with the
following note:
Dear Ms. Davis,
I want to be very clear on my child's
illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on
a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot
and had commented to my daughter how much money we
made in the recent snowstorm. This photo is of me
selling a shove