Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response To "I love you."
When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL Team of your choice.
The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
Tanks would be far easier to rent.
Garbage would take itself out.
Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."
Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"
Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. (Wouldn't help -- you STILL wouldn't remember!)
On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off. Mother's Day, too.
St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same.
But it would be celebrated every month.
Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing Cops. Or to the crooks.
The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.
Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
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Why parents should always check their children's
homework before they hand it in:
See the picture attached. :-))
A first grade girl handed in the drawing, enclosed
here, for a homework assignment.
After it was graded and the child brought it home,
she returned to school the next day with the
following note:
Dear Ms. Davis,
I want to be very clear on my child's
illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on
a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot
and had commented to my daughter how much money we
made in the recent snowstorm. This photo is of me
selling a shove