Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend. The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?" Barbara: "Sure

A teacher asked a student to write 55. Student asked: How? Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5! The student wrote 5 and stopped. teacher: What are you waiting for? student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!

Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons Good girls wax their floors Bad girls wax their bikini line Good girls blush during sex scenes in movies Bad girls know they could do it better Good g

Thou shalt always fool around on your girlfriend (that way when she dumps you you can always get the last laugh). Thou shalt not hose thy girlfriend's friends unless you're sure you can get away with it AND you do it in her bed. Thou shalt never spend more than $100 without first getting i

Yo Mama's so fat if I put a firecracker up her ass, and it exploded she would be feeding kids in India for years Your momma is so fat she changed the phrase "One Size Fits All" to "One Size Fits Most"! Yo momma so fat that when I ran around her I got lost! Yo momma s

You are my friend, my love, my forever Valentine

UNIX: She's objective, very logical, and highly intelligent. She's not terribly attractive but she looks ok with lots of makeup. She's very tidy and a keeps a clean house. She only speaks ancient Greek and only listens to you if you use perfect grammar. She's very emotionally stable and refus

Two older women are sitting on a bench waiting for a bus. The first lady takes out a cigarette and starts to smoke. A minute later it begins to rain, so she takes out a condom, cuts off the end, and carefully places it over the cigarette to shield it from the rain. The second lady looks at t

If a big fat man creeps into your bedroom one night and stuffs you into a bag, Then do not worry 'cause I told Santa I wanted you for christmas! Smilin is infexous u catch it lik d flu.wen sum1 smild at me 2day i startd smilin 2.now im infectd iv sent it thru

She calls to ask you the meaning of "conjugal." Her new bumper sticker: "Convicts do it for life." She proudly says she finally found a man who sleeps in the same bed every night. She only feels comfortable speaking to you on the phone when you're o