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All marriages are happy--it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems. Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins? He baptized one and kept the other as a control. Disclaimer: Even my wife doesn't agree with everything I say, and she loves me dearly. My employe

This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all. We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. -- Groucho Marx We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect h

The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free. The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. -- Groucho Marx The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common la

Nuns: Women who marry God. If they divorce Him, do they get half the universe? Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands, but English women only hope to find in their butlers. -- W. Somerset Maugham Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican

My other wife is beautiful. My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it. My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them. My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him! My wife says if I go fishing one more time she's going to leave

Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them. May you be too good for the world and not good enough for your wife. May you grow so rich your widow's second husband never has to worry about a living, God forbid. May you live happily ever after with a poor, ugly, shrewish wife.

Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out. Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred. Marriage is t

Many a wife thinks her husband is the world's greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it. Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give. -- Cass Daley Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when t

If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don't stand in her way. In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy. In marriage, the bridge gets a shower. But for the groom, it's curtains! Jimmy Carter as President is like Truman Capote marrying Dolly Parton.

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. -- Dick Martin I do not see the EEC as a great love affair. It is more like nine desperate middle-ages couples with failing marriages meeting at

Dear Mrs, Mr, Miss, or Mr and Mrs Daneeka: Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father or brother was killed, wounded, or reported missing in action. -- Catch-22 Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat. Don't m

A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. -- Guitry Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't. -- Borge Always talk to your wife while you're making love... if there's a phone handy. An archaeologist is

There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!" Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense. Whe

Married life is full of excitement and frustration: * In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. * In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. * In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. It is true that love is blind but marriage is de

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses hi

Povestea dintre doua suflete care cu timpul s-au pierdut in lume...printre straini si de ei insisi..Totul a inceput ineput pe data de 11 septembrie 2004...sambata seara...imi aduc bine aminte cand...dintr-o gluma...ma sarutat baiatul de care eram indragostita din copilarie!intotdeauna am crezut ca i

Povestea dintre doua suflete care cu timpul s-au pierdut in lume...printre straini si de ei insisi..Totul a inceput ineput pe data de 11 septembrie 2004...sambata seara...imi aduc bine aminte cand...dintr-o gluma...ma sarutat baiatul de care eram indragostita din copilarie!intotdeauna am crezut ca i

FUNNY FILM & MOVIE QUOTES "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on" Samuel Goldwyn. "Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is

FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT CONSUMERISM AND GREED "There must be more to life than having everything!" Maurice Sendak. "Be glad that you're greedy; the national economy would collapse if you weren't." Mignon McLaughlin. "The only reason a great many A

FUNNY MARKETING QUOTES "Don't tell my mother I work in an advertising agency; she thinks I play piano in a whorehouse." Jacques Seguela. "What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive th