Funny poems

Funny poems and poetry. Whether you\'re a poet or not, submit your funny poem.Love Poems and Short Funny Poems are all time immemorial

•  Age Related Poems
•  Love poems
•  Death Poems
•  Birthday Poems
•  Relationships Poems
•  Religious,Spiritual Poems
•  Wedding poems
•  Baby Poems
•  Life Poems
•  Christmas poems
•  Family,Friends Poems

Be real nice and sit up tall, eat your dinner- and I mean eat it all. Be polite when at another's home, smile and laugh, never groan. Let Grandma pinch your face quite a bit, pretend to be calm instead of throwing a fit. Don't tell about Mommy's crazy mood or the day that

Uncle Joe has a stutter A funny kind of sound: T -t -t - ta, t -t -t - ta R - r - r - ra, r - r - r - ra (Always makes me think rat - a - tat - tat, rat - a - tat - tat) His face claiming palsy for a moment or two; such tension ripples through his features and the swell subs

An Italian family that lives near me had a welcome addition to their family And for miles around with vino and grins happy folk celebrated the birth of twins. So proudly their father named Anthony - well he was Italian, what else could it be? Gave serious thought to who he wo

The very first words I ever spoke according to my mum were 'brachial plexus bronchiolitis' and then I sucked my thumb. From thereon my mother thought that I'd become a doctor but I didn't fancy that and my reluctance shocked 'er. She's still convinced I meant

The question is who, what, and why we are here A question that will linger after a full case of beer Are we children of God that inhabit this earth Or the product of monkies who kept giving birth Now rarely do people bring aliens into the picture Our only two choices

I remember, I remember the night that I was born, It was dark and stormy, but I couldn't wait 'til morn. Dad went for the doctor, he was in bed fast asleep. He opened up one beady eye, and said. "I think she'll keep." But he was wrong because he was a silly old twi

Many, many years ago When I was twenty-three I got married to a widow Pretty as could be. This widow had a grow-up daughter With flowing hair of red. My father fell in love with her, And soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my

One memorable Christmas not so long ago Santa did something that no one should know, But all of the reindeer were standing about And one of them blabbed so the story got out! Of how a bit more than just Christmas cheer Got into our dear old Santa that year! According to Blitz

God I hate Christmas with all it's good cheer I hearing people laughin' but I shed a tear Folks they just love ya' one day of the year The rest of the time they wouldn't come near ya' They send you a card full of love and best wishes Then in the New Year th

I've been getting ready for Christmas I'm revving up for the great day my credit card's cracked and my freezer is packed 'cause I started my shopping in May The mistletoe's hanging in bunches 'cause the odd Christmas kiss isn't wrong and the Vicar I've found - quite l

At Xmas time when we were kids, we were bloody poor, and Santa weren't too generous when he knocked upon our door But we made do by saving up, yes every little bit "We may be poor" said dear old Dad, "but I dont give a shit!" Our Xmas tree

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... How to live in a world that's politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to "Elves". "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves. And labour conditions at the North Pole were alleg

Twas the night before Friday and all through the town, no cops were cruising, no narks were around. As we all rolled our joints to be put in our sacks, we knew that soon we'd be stoned to the max. We drank Jack Daniel's And smoked Panama Red, a hit of tea

Dear Husband, It is time that I must have my say, I've taken your shit day after day. I've kept the home peaceful year after year Now there is going to be changes, so listen my dear. So you're famous, everyone knows your name, And you're a specialist by gum, in the transpo

At this time of year it is patently clear That the males are the ones who are blest. Thoughts like "goodwill to men" we hear time and again And we find them quite hard to digest. As we women all know, men think they run the show, And sometimes we allow them this paus

I've invented a new word It's fun and it's free A four lettered miracle As soon you will see You can use it in private Or tell all your friends It's not overbearing It never condescends This one single syllable Will change your whole life Make you very popula

Annie was an mountain bear; Buelis was a goat; Carlos was a Mexican boy; Deidre was a dope. Each of them lived on the hill foraging in their way gathering up the food they'd need to hibernate winter away. Idiots don't plan ahead, just frolic in good times, kicking up th

face value/second mortgage/third party insurance fourth dimension/fifth column/six sex shops seven slow commercials/8 bells for old Kuwait (bombs away) nine mutant ninja bloody turtles & 10 commandments (oh yeah?) 11 is for the fool/12 for the apostles who killed fish 12 for the

When you're hanging on to the mountain side And your nose gets a terrible itch, That's the time you know for sure That life's a bitch When Ludwig lost his hearing - When the good Lord struck him deaf, He shouted the same word seventeen times And the word began with F. '

If there is one thing That irritates me to the point of screaming It is my inability to remember what on earth I've been dreaming. When I wake up my dream is as clear As a colour print of it. Two seconds later my mind has slipped out of gear And I can't remember a hint of it Altho