Signs you should break up with your boyfriend: He always scratches his crotch and says, "Damn! When is this gonna clear up?" He could use a contact lens as a condom. Taking you out to eat means firing up the grill. Everytime you want to spoon

Upgrading to Boyfriend 4.0 Last year, many women upgraded their BOYFRIEND 3.1 to BOYFRIEND PLUS 1.0 (marketing name: FIANCE 1.0) and then further upgraded FIANCE 1.0 to HUSBAND 1.0. They found that 1.0 is a memory hogger and incompatible to many other programs in their lives. HUSBAND 1.

After you request sex she replies, "Wait 'til the Nyquil kicks in." Gets very upset when the ashtray falls off your ass. Actually answers when you ask "Who's your daddy?" Last time she screamed during sex was the first time she won at solitaire. Only moans during

Real computer scientists don't write code. They occasionally tinker with 'programming systems', but those are so high level that they hardly count (and rarely count accurately; precision is for applications.) Real computer scientists don't comment their code.  The identifiers are so l

As I lay me down to sleep I pray for a woman who's very cheap. One who's sexy, blonde and long. Who notices that she's mostly wrong. One who sucks and doesn't speak. And promises to do so at least once a week. I pray that she is very randy, 'cause one like that would come in pretty ha

Be RICH. This is important for you, but not for her. For her the number 2 rule follows. Spend MONEY on HER. This is the most important thing for her, whether you are rich, have any money, or must lie, steal, or kill to do it. Be TALL. Of course you have no real control over this, but if you

FUNNY QUOTES BY OSCAR WILDE "In married life three is company and two none." From 'The Importance of Being Earnest' 1895. "To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness." From 'T

I don't remember getting old, . it should'nt happen yet. I need to do some other things that aren't decided yet. Who said my joints should ache like this? my eyesight's getting bad, and when I hit the bedroom, well, things are looking sad. I'm fifty three, how can tha

In the beginning, there was the plan. And then came the assumptions. And the assumptions were without form and the plan was completely without substance. The darkness was upon the faces of the workers, and they spoke unto the Supervisors: "It is a crock of

Yo Mama's so dumb i told her Christmas was around the corner, and she went lookin'. Yo Mama's so dumb that she tripped over a cordless phone. Your Mama's so dumb that she got smacked by a statue. Yo Mama's so dumb she got locked in a toilet and pissed herself. Yo Mama's so dumb