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O'Donnell's Laws of Cartoon Motion I. Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down.

One weekend a lawyer from New York decided to go bird hunting in Vermont. The lawyer drove to Vermont and found a good hunting spot near a farm. The lawyer sees a bird, shoots it and watches fall to the ground on the other side of the barns fence. The lawyer, thinking to himself that's my bird I h

He and a friend go duck hunting in winter, and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the lake with their guns, a dog, and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, someth

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids Bad: You can't find your birth control pills Worse: Your daughter borrowed them Good: Your son studies a lot in his room Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there Worse: You're in them Good: Your husband understands fashion Bad: He's a cros

Signs you should break up with your boyfriend: He always scratches his crotch and says, "Damn! When is this gonna clear up?" He could use a contact lens as a condom. Taking you out to eat means firing up the grill. Everytime you want to spoon

FUNNY CELEBRITY INSULTS "A fellow with the inventiveness of Albert Einstein but with the attention span of Daffy Duck." Tom Shales talking about Robin Williams "When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Ac

Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room. Worse: You're in it. Bad: Your children are sexually active. Worse: With each other. Bad: Your husband's a crossdresser. Worse: He looks better than you. Bad: Your wife wants a divorce. Worse: She's a lawyer. Bad: Your wife's leavin

Good: Your wife is pregnant Bad: It's triplets Ugly: You had a vasectomy 5 years ago Good: Your wife is not talking to you Bad: She wants a divorce Ugly: She is a lawyer Good: Your son is finally maturing Bad: He's involved with the woman next

20 Sleep 'til noon. Still get to work by 8:00am! 19 Doppler shift makes red traffic lights look green. 18 Breaking laws of physics only a misdemeanor in most states. 17 Never in car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song. 16 Carl Sagan and Stephen Hawking keep bugging you to carpoo

Electrocution ------------- Is he/she still connected to the power supply? If so, SWITCH OFF THE POWER IMMEDIATELY. Electricity costs an absolute fortune, and it would be going to waste. Check the victims pulse, (if you can find their wrist amongst the stack of

☻Linux is like a wigwam, no windows, no gates and an apache inside …

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me up for that? Did I mention the video camera? Do you smell something burning? (in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead... Try breathing through your nose. A little rug burn ever hurt anyone! Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant

Women: Car Parking: The smallest kerbside space sucessfully reversed into by a woman, was one of 19.36m equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs. E. Simpkins (GB) driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova Swing on 12th October 1993. She started the manoeuv

Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up. Yo momma so fat her nickname is "DAMN" Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. Yo momma so fat we're in her right now Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise Yo momma so fat she went to

A chemist walks into a pharmacy and says, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?" The pharmacist asks, "You mean aspirin?" "That's it, I can never remember the word." "Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible." The doctor says, "Tell h

McGowan's Madison Avenue Axiom: If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.95. * Van Roy's Law: An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. * How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on. * Un