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A Special World A special world for you and me A special bond one cannot see It wraps us up in its cocoon And holds us fiercely in its womb. Its fingers spread like fine spun gold Gently nestling us to the fold Like silken thread it holds us fast Bonds like this are meant to last. And

You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. Job interfering with your drinking. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts. The back of your head keeps getti

1.Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. 2.A few clowns short of a circus. 3.An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. 4.The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead. 5.All foam, no beer. 6.Has an IQ of 2 but... it takes 3 to grunt. 7.Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear. 8.Co

At our Local Learning Center for Adults Sign Up By March 25th NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, EACH COURSE WILL ACCEPT A MAXIMUM OF 8 PARTICIPANTS EACH. Topic 1: How to Fill Up the Ice Cube Trays. Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Topic 2: The Toilet P

In our complex technical environment there are many opportunities for a competent technical individual to be the subject of technical harassment. Sometimes it can be so subtle that you may not even be aware you are being harassed. Worse yet, you may inadvertently

Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.'   If we're in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn't mean we're not watching it.   Don't tell anyone we can't afford a new car. Tell them we don't want one. &nbs

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: Cheese Sandwich: - $1.50. Chicken Sandwich: - $2.50. Hand Job: - $10.00. Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to

A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month. A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With hi

I was teaching a very basic class in BASIC programming to a group of adults. Adults who have never been around computers before are very nervous and much harder to teach than children, however I am a patient person so I enjoy their successes. However, I must share the following: After putting a sh

A general store owner hires a young female clerk with a penchant for very short skirts. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk, and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. "I`d like some raisin bread, please," the man says politely. The clerk nods and climbs up a la

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. -- Dick Martin I do not see the EEC as a great love affair. It is more like nine desperate middle-ages couples with failing marriages meeting at

You wake up face down on the pavement. You put your bra on backwards and it fits better. You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold. You see a '60 minutes' news team waiting in your office. You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and they aren't there. You tur

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only". Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by fl

1. We know stuff about tanks. 2. A 5-day trip requires only one suitcase. 3. We can open all our own jars. 4. We can make decisions without a support group. 5. We can leave a motel bed unmade. 6. We can kill our own food. 7. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 8. Wedd

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... How to live in a world that's politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to "Elves". "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves. And labour conditions at the North Pole were alleg

I know the myth is that men want: Traci Lords in the bedroom, Julia Child in the kitchen, Hazel around the house, Lesley Visser during a game, Mary Poppins for the children, Cha Cha Muldowney in traffic, Dr. Quinn, Medicine Chick when we're sick, Mary Richards at work, Mother Theresa when we come

Jokes and funny stories about computers, programmers and users. Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse? Cursor: What you become when your computer crashes. Back Up My Hard Drive? I can't find the reverse switch! Bad FAT? My hard disk has high cholesterol? What

7,386 teenagers between the ages of 16-20 were killed in car accidents in 2004. Did you know? A teenager's first 500 miles of driving are the most dangerous. During that time, teens are 10 times more likely to crash than an adult. Two-thirds of the teenagers who

Ever since man crawled out of the primordial ooze, he has built himself structures to contain the processes of bodily waste removal. These have been known as "restrooms," "bathrooms," "outhouses," "commodes," "men's ro

FUNNY FILM & MOVIE QUOTES "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on" Samuel Goldwyn. "Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is