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Favorite Funny Love Quotes #1     I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soulmate -- but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.     Alf Whit Favorite Funny Love Quotes #2     I w

FUNNY QUOTES BY EDDIE IZZARD "I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup." "I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less." "Excuse me, do you have a pencil?" "Never put a sock in a toaster." &

FUNNY QUOTES BY SPIKE MILLIGAN "Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy." "I speak Esparanto like a native." "In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesig

FUNNY QUOTES BY GEORGE BERNARD SHAW "Which painting in the National Gallery would I save if there was a fire? The one nearest the door of course." "Those who can do, those who can't teach." "Only Lawyers and mental defectives are automatically

FUNNY QUOTES BY GEORGE BERNARD SHAW "Which painting in the National Gallery would I save if there was a fire? The one nearest the door of course." "Those who can do, those who can't teach." "Only Lawyers and mental defectives are automatically

FUNNY QUOTES BY DENIS LEARY "I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?" "We live in a country where John Lennon takes six bullets in the chest. Yoko Ono is sta

FUNNY QUOTES BY EMO PHILIPS "A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing." "I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him." "My class

FUNNY QUOTES BY AMBROSE BIERCE "An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from but not enough to lend to." "An ambassador is a person who, having failed to secure an office from the people, is given one

FUNNY QUOTES BY MARK TWAIN "The report of my death was an exaggeration." "They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy; foreigners always spell better than they pronounce." "The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet

FUNNY QUOTES BY MARK TWAIN "The report of my death was an exaggeration." "They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy; foreigners always spell better than they pronounce." "The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet

Q. What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick? A. Fucks Funny!

These excuses were on accident claim forms of a major insurance company. ere asked for a brief statement describing their particular accident. 1. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention. 2. I thought my window was down but found it was up when I put my ha

FUNNY QUOTES FROM DAN QUAYLE "Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts." "We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world." 9/21/88 "We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a 'part'

FUNNY QUOTES BY LARRY FLYNT "There's nothing that will change someone's moral outlook quicker than cash in large sums." "If the human body's obscene, complain to the manufacturer, not to me." "The major

FUNNY QUOTES FROM GEORGE W BUSH "A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls." "I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington,