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A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over." "What do you mean?" said the doctor. The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched he

These excuses were on accident claim forms of a major insurance company. ere asked for a brief statement describing their particular accident. 1. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention. 2. I thought my window was down but found it was up when I put my ha

Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.'   If we're in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn't mean we're not watching it.   Don't tell anyone we can't afford a new car. Tell them we don't want one. &nbs

I know the myth is that men want: Traci Lords in the bedroom, Julia Child in the kitchen, Hazel around the house, Lesley Visser during a game, Mary Poppins for the children, Cha Cha Muldowney in traffic, Dr. Quinn, Medicine Chick when we're sick, Mary Richards at work, Mother Theresa when we come

7,386 teenagers between the ages of 16-20 were killed in car accidents in 2004. Did you know? A teenager's first 500 miles of driving are the most dangerous. During that time, teens are 10 times more likely to crash than an adult. Two-thirds of the teenagers who

FUNNY FILM & MOVIE QUOTES "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on" Samuel Goldwyn. "Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is

"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on" Samuel Goldwyn. "Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going

☻A smile is a curve that can.Straighten out a lot of things. ☻life is short! if you dont look around once in a

☻Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you

Adolescence, n: The stage between puberty and adultery. Adult, n: One old enough to know better. Adultery, n: Putting yourself in someone else's position. Afternoon, n: That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning Ambition, n: An ant crawling up an elephan

☻Do you know what'd look good on you? Me. ☻I'm bigger and better than the Titanic ... o

Miscellaneous A computer with the job of issuing traffic citations goofed in September, 1989 and sent notices to 41,000 residents of Paris, France informing them that they were charged with murder, prostitution and illegal sale of drugs. Did you know that steel

Any month that has a Friday the 13th also has a Wednesday the 25th. John Madden is an accomplished ballroom dancer. In 21 states, Wal-Mart is the single largest employer. Jim Gordon, drummer of Derek and the Dominos ("Layla"), killed his mother with a claw hammer