dirty txt message fwd

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A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there." A little con

If a big fat man creeps into your bedroom one night and stuffs you into a bag, Then do not worry 'cause I told Santa I wanted you for christmas! Smilin is infexous u catch it lik d flu.wen sum1 smild at me 2day i startd smilin 2.now im infectd iv sent it thru

Sue and Jane are shopping together at the supermarket. When they get to the vegetables, Sue hefts a good sized potato in each hand and says, "You know, Jane, these remind me of John's balls." Jane, impressed says, "Hmm, that big, huh?" "No", Sue answers. "That dirty."

MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX -------------------- 01. Nothing improves with age. 02. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it. 03. There is no remedy for sex but more sex. 04. Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got. 05. No sex with anyone

Looking for some funny, amusing, joke or strange messages to make your answering machine more fun - well try these ones. "This is an answering' machine, this machine is designed to take full advantage of its numerous capabilities. Please say what you wanted to talk about and why did ya call m

1. Dogs come when you call them. Cats take a message and get back to you. 2. Dogs look much better at the end of a leash. 3. Dogs will let you give them a bath without taking out a contract on your life. 4. Dogs will bark to wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly sneak

Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.'   If we're in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn't mean we're not watching it.   Don't tell anyone we can't afford a new car. Tell them we don't want one. &nbs

You Know the Honeymoon Is Over When ... Talking dirty in bed means shouting obscenities when he hogs the blanket. Chivalry's as dead as the door he lets slam in your face. PMS lasts all month. Your jumbo box of absorbent maxi-pads is on open display. "Honey, what are

When you are dating... Farting is never an issue. When you are married... You make sure there's nothing flammable near your husband at all times. When you are dating... He takes you out to have a good time. When you are married... He brings home a six pack, and says "What are you goin

Im not under d affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep.Im not half as thunk as u drink.I fool so feelish and da drunker i stand here da longer i get Last night i wanted to send u a msg, but all i could write was: "noh ss!w !". it didn't

wanted to send u something nice that would make u smile but the postman told me to get out of the mailbox! This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number.We are truly sorry for

You touch my hand and look at me. There is a message in your eyes Which makes me fidget nervously Although it does not much surprise. If I had any sense I'd flee, Make some excuses, tell you lies, Suggest that I could never be Party to such an enterprise, Say that I

☻NEWSFLASH.. Police arrested 2 kids yesterday: 1 was drinking battery acid the other was eating fireworks.They charged one and let the one

☻Stress is when you wake up and realises that you haven't slept yet.   ☻Reality is an illusion that

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too. Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside. Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins. Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. Family plan

FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT SCIENCE "Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction." Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872 . "The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would

FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT THE PROGRAMMERS AND PROGRAMMING "I invented it, Bill made it famous." David Bradley (wrote the code for Ctrl-Alt-Delete on the IBM PC) "As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise

Gee, Sweetheart, let's skip dinner tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is you.   Wow, I just don't know what to do with this money we won in the lottery, so why don't you take it to the mall and see if you can find something to buy with it.  

Ways to Drive the Man in Your Life Crazy Take the batteries out of all the remotes in the house. (Hide them well.) Organize his workshop, bedroom, or other special place. Bribe his faithful dog away from him with a steady diet of Ring Dings. Shrink his underwear in the dryer and